Daily Archives: August 3, 2011

Are You an Innie or an Outie??

Yeah, you don’t have to lift up your shirt to check. I’m talking about your personality.

There are introverts…those of us…like me…that live happily in the background, content to watch the more gregarious people shine in their spotlights, where we live in constant terror that the spotlight will find us.

And then there are those people. The ones I’m always so envious of…LOL. The ones who aren’t afraid to sit in the front, stand up and speak, the ones who can work a room the second they enter it.

I’ve always wanted to be an extrovert.

I’m someone who most definitely does NOT sit at the front. At meetings at work, am I going to be up front scoring points as the boss sees me there all bright and shiny? Um…no. I’m at the back, blending with the pot plants and the coffee pot, feeling quite content knowing my signature on the roster sheet proves I was there.

You know those event things you go to where the speaker says “Let’s go around the room and introduce yourselves.” ?? That is the worst kind of torture. Seriously, just hang me off a cliff somewhere, because if I’m in a group of thirty people and I’m not one of the first three or four, I’m going to be a useless puddle of goo by the time you get to thirty. The anxiety of what to say/oh my god I have to stand up is going to disintegrate my insides.

And giving a talk or a speech?? Let’s just say I breathe in, but nothing goes back out. And my voice gets progressively higher and faster till I sound like a munchkin on crack.

People ask me how I’m going to handle attention to myself as a published author, going to signings, being in the spotlight. I think most authors are somewhat introverts, by the sheer nature of what we do. We live with invisible people in our heads all the time, alone with our stories.

And I’m finding that at places such as conferences, if the spotlight is on me for something, I’m okay with it. Maybe because it is strangers, I’m not sure. What I’m struggling with right now as my release date looms in the future, is the one-on-one. Telling people randomly about it. My best friend keeps pimping me, and I feel the hot rush of heat to my head as I nod and smile and say “yes, I have a book coming out next year” and all the while I’m wishing to be in a room where there are pot plants and a coffee pot for me to blend with. LOL!

So what about you? Where do you fall in that category?

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