Who stole my neck?

Yanno…I remember being in my twenties, all full of vigor and energy, tight and toned and absolutely sure of myself.  Positive that growing older was just a state of mind, and that I’d always look like that. 

I have a picture somewhere of me acting goofy with my best friend, and I was wearing a little half shirt and a pair of button down levis…remember button downs?  More importantly, remember the little half shirts? 

I was so cut and flat-abbed, with not an ounce of fat.  And honestly thought that was reality.   (cue hysterical laughter here)

Now, at forty-four, I look back at that version of me and think oh Lord, if I only knew about the aliens that were coming.  The ones that sneak in and pump fat under your skin, weave spells that make your muscles weak and wimpy, give your upper arms wings, and make your boobs fall down. 

And something else.  Something new.  Something just in the last two months.

Someone did something to my neck.

I remember my mother’s neck when she got old.  I remember playing with my GRANDmother’s neck when I was real little.  You could move it from one side to the other and it would stay there, in the little grooves it made, because the elasticity was gone.  I remember thinking it was cool.

Yeah…I’m rethinking that now.  Because suddenly while getting ready one morning, I turned a certain angle to fix my hair.  And I saw it.  The little grooves.  They…stayed there.  I froze and stared and it was gone.  I tried to replicate the angle, but nothing.  So I thought it was something I imagined. 

Then a couple of days later, there it was again.  And so on and so on, and now that I’m looking for it, I see it more and more.  That little spot that stays there.  That doesn’t move when I do.  Or DOES move when I don’t want it to.  It’s like it has become it’s own entity.  And I just want to know…

Who gave who permission to steal my neck and replace it with this thing?


About Sharla Lovelace

Writer of romantic women's fiction. Wife, mom, and wonderwoman...without the boobs. National Bestselling Author of THE REASON IS YOU, BEFORE AND EVER SINCE, and the e-novella JUST ONE DAY. Lover of anything red.

Posted on September 28, 2011, in Blog Posts and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Yeah, I want to know who decided and I didn’t get to vote on, like say a mustache! Or saggy jowls. Or the saggy triceps. Or the…. I’m sure most of you understand. LOL

    Hilarious, girls!

  2. John Mayer’s song Gravity is my theme song. Gravity is working against me. Sharla, if you find a solution, let me know! For now, I’ll just avoid the mirror.

  3. Avoidance is the key to growing old. I try to ignore all the signs and it works most of the time. 🙂

  4. But then why do men look so great with they grey hair and lines?

  5. Genetics play a huge roll in how we age. The best we can do is eat right, exercise and learn to love ourselves. My issue is the veins on my legs. I’m having a real hard time loving those!

  6. Hmmn. Guess I’m not willing to trade the chin hairs for the turkey waddle. There’s nothing going on with my body that 40k of plastic surgery and my hairdresser can’t fix. For now, though, I am relying on Ye Olde Secret from Victoria (#3 power lift) for the sagging girls and spanx for the rest.

    Thanks for making me laugh… at myself.

  7. OH NO!! I’d have to have someone (DOCTOR) fix it!! I can deal with lines….but I draw the line at the guzzler! BUT I’m positive you look fine and it’s just you that recognizes it:))

  8. LOL ladies!! Sucks to get old, doesn’t it?? I need some spanx for my neck! 🙂

  9. I just got home from the doctor’s office and read your post, Sharla, and am howling! I believe I’m older than most of the WomenUnplugged members as well as the readers of said blog, so I must say that if you’re ONLY 44, Sharla, you’re a “young ‘un” as they say somewhere in the U.S.
    I’ll never see my 40’s again – ev..er….
    By looking at all of the pictures of the women who commented, you all look GREAT! And beauty is really in the eye of the beholder. My husband still thinks I’m sexy and pretty, although I can look in the mirror and see the “falling” syndrome of my skin. And I hate gray hair, so I color mine and why does HE still look handsome????

  10. Sharla,
    I’m a big fan of the magic of digital photography, for many of the things you mentioned. ;>

  11. I’m with you, sista! Where’d my slim and trim neck go? But alas, I bought NECK cream and expect it to return any day now… =)

    (There’s a reason it’s a billion dollar industry.)

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