Go For It in 2012

I recently marked my calendar through the end of the year with the dates for my blog posts. I’m a pretty responsible person, but I’m also human, so the possibility of my forgetting to blog is very real.

When I marked my calendar for blog posts in 2012, I never imagined how life would change for me this year because of the unexpected death of my father. I knew he would go before my mother because he had congestive heart failure and diabetes, not a good combination for anyone. He’d been feeling poorly the last few months and never looked like he felt good, but he went to the doctor and was never admitted to the hospital. Nevertheless, the phone call from my mom rocked me to the core.

I had a difficult relationship with my dad, one that never came easy to either of us. I can admit now that most of the reason for this is because we were so much alike. Scary! I had lots of things I wanted to say to him, none of them easy. All of those words died on my tongue when he died. That is my fault and I will learn my lesson about waiting for another day.

At church today (I’m writing this on Sunday), our wonderful preacher talked about goals for the year and committing yourself to doing the one thing that is most important. That one thing is different for everyone and is usually a very difficult thing. If were easy, he said, we would have done it already. If my dad were still alive, I feel pretty certain that talking to him and trying to mend our relationship would have been my one thing. But I don’t get to go back and change things, so I have to come up with another one thing.

My one thing is for me to know—I’m not going to get too personal and vomit my deepest desires on this public blog. But I thought the message was a good one. We all have demons that haunt us that are generally easy to put off doing anything about. Notice the pattern—putting things off is easy while confronting them is hard.

At this point in the year, when the calendar is open and most of the pages are empty, think about the one thing you want to do this year. I don’t mean goals or accomplishments, but the one thing that if the year goes by without doing it, your life could change forever.

You don’t have to tell me what your one thing is; I’m not telling mine, but know that I’m rooting for you every day of 2012!

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About Christy Hayes

A wife, a mother and a writer of romantic women's fiction. I love dogs, exercise and cable news.

Posted on January 9, 2012, in Blog Posts and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. Oh, Christy! Hugs to you. It’s never easy to lose a parent no matter what the relationship is and even when you know they are sick. I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers.
    I don’t mind telling you what I’m going to change. . .in the last six months, I’ve lost my way in truly giving back to the writing community. It’s in my soul and professionally I wasn’t surrounding myself with those individuals. I too was sitting in church when it dawned on me that I had to change that. Being around nasty, negative, back stabbing people is not my nature. So in 2012, I vowed to get back to the core of who I am and I love. Thanks for your post! Very timely!!

  2. Thanks for your hugs, Tonya! Your goal is admirable and very similar to mine. It is hard to refocus your life, but it is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your family. I wish you tons of success, but I know that whatever you put your mind to, you will accomplish!

  3. Great post. My goal this year is to do something outside my every day bubble and get more in touch with my spiritual side. A couple of years ago, I pushed myself outside my comfort zone and it led me to meet some wonderful people who are now my steadfast writing pals. And I am glad to say that you, Christy, were the first welcoming member of that group. 🙂 Thank you for that!

  4. Getting outside that comfort zone is so scary, Tracy! I know jumping into the writing pool was one of the most intimidating things I’ve ever done, and look what wonderful friends we’ve made!

    Thinking of a time when we did go outside the comfort zone and the rewards associated with it is a great way to motivate ourselves. Thanks for the reminder of what a leap we made together!

    I may as well admit my goal is to be a better friend to the wonderful people in my life–you included. We are so lucky to have found our group!

  5. Great post, Christy, and timely for many of us. I know that I have sequestered myself too much and need to reach out to people more than I have in the past. First it was motherhood and kids (who still exist, mind you, and ARE at home) and then it was/is writing – both making me even more reclusive in a lot of ways. I’ve made “virtual” friends and am so happy about that. But I have to put myself out there and do more to keep in touch with people and family who I could perhaps get together with for a few minutes or hours and have fun!
    Patti

    • Writing takes us deep into ourselves and when we come out for air, it sometimes feels a little overwhelming! Congratulations on your new release, Patty!

  6. My one thing is ongoing and actually came about when my dad passed away. I guess the loss of someone close inevitably changes us.

    I had always felt that my mom and I didn’t have a very good relationship, mostly caused by her attempt to control me when I was a teen, and my attempt to rebel and be my own person. So when my dad passed away, even though he was 84, it came as a shock and it made me realize my mom wouldn’t be around forever either. Since then, I’ve made a point of getting to know her, not as an adult and child, but as two adults. I make sure I hug her often and I talk to her almost every day. My need is to make our time together precious because when she’s gone, I’ll only have these memories.

  7. Whew! Hit me where I live today, Christy! LOL. Big hugs to you for dealing with your father’s death. I know the roller coaster of emotions that brings…for years even.

    My father died unexpectedly too, six years ago, and it knocked everyone for a loop. I was a daddy’s girl, and that was hard for me. My parents were divorced and he was alone when a massive heart attack hit him, so I struggled with knowing he was alone. My mother and I had a very close but way-too-much-alike relationship, so we had some estrangement on and off, but she had emphasema and congestive heart failure, so oddly enough, when my dad died, even though they weren’t together she went downhill and died eight months later. So I know what you mean about things left unsaid. Things I wish I would have done differently if I hadn’t been so headstrong and just like her, actually. I live with that, and I feel like she’s forgiven me, but self-forgiveness is much harder.

    My goal this year (other than getting another book deal once this contract is fulfilled…) is on the spiritual side. A few years ago, I was in a better place and this wouldn’t have been a difficult one, but I’ve slacked, and my goal this year is to plug back in with that. I feel like once I get right with that, all the other things fall into place.

    Great post Christy! Very thought inspiring.

    • Wow, Sharla, what an emotional roller coaster you were on! I’m so sorry about the sudden loss of your dad and watching your mom go downhill. You are so right about self-forgiveness!

      I know getting into a better spiritual place will help you in all aspects of your life. I wish you much success along that path. You are right, everything will fall into place when you are in a good place.

      Can’t wait for your release!!

  8. Christy, I am so sorry for your loss. I have been so out of touch and your post today pulled me back in real time.

    All the words unsaid are a part of what some of us hold deep in our hearts. What if you had the chance, to go back and change one thing?? In life we don’t get a “do-over” and if we changed but one moment, we would not be who or where we are today.

    Know only one universal truth … and that is … everything happens for a reason. Honor his memory, talk about him, find him in one of your lovely stories … and you will give him immortality and you will both find peace.

    • that’s so funny that you say that….because I’ve done that in both my stories. In REASON, my mc’s dad is my dad. And there is a cameo appearance of an old lady ghost that is my mother. In my current wip, the mc’s mom is my mom when she was younger. So it’s a great way to keep them with you, and honor them as well.

    • Florance,
      What wonderful words of guidance! It is funny how all the bad stuff that existed when he was alive doesn’t seem so big anymore. I’ll take your words to heart–thank you for expressing them so eloquently!

  9. Wow. A lot to think about. But in the same vein, I’m definitely working to CONTROL my time and energy and yes, remember to stay focused on what matters. Once they’re gone, we think: don’t sweat the small stuff.

    But if we can only realize…it’s ALL small stuff. Our focus on spirit is what counts. Love to you and yours, Christy.

  10. Thanks for your love, Dianne. You ladies have been so wonderful during this hard time. Here’s to a year when we all control our destinies and earn our one thing!

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