Death and Birthdays

Yeah, I know, weird title for a blog post.  But March 3rd was my mother’s birthday.  She would have been 87 years old.

And now I’ll reveal something that may cause you to really think I’m whacked.  She died in January 2008 and every March 3rd I send her a Jacquie Lawson e-card for her birthday and I write everything I’d like to tell her if she were alive.

I tell her about my husband’s job, my son Dylan getting to be 6-feet 2-inches tall and going to college in September, about Allessandra’s great grades and her wonderful personality, about our two chocolate labs Annabella and Jack who she was so fond of, and of course I let her in on the news that I became an author – yippee- and wish she could have been around for the pub date.

So, everyone asks me, “Where do you send the e-card, Patti?  Hello?”  Well, I send it to my e-mail address and then archive it in the file labeled “mom”.  That’s easy, eh?  For some reason it makes me feel like I’ve communicated with her more than if I go to the cemetery and talk to her ashes, you know?

What do you do on the day of your loved ones’ birthdays?


Posted on March 9, 2012, in Blog Posts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. My Dad died on my son’s 7th birthday. For years, it was awkward celebrating my son’s day because I was always reminded of our loss. As the years have passed, it’s become easier. I try to remind myself of how proud he’d be of his grandson. I also make it a point to celebrate my dad on that day–although I haven’t tried an e-card. 🙂

    • That must be hard, Tracy. On the one hand you want to smile and laugh and have a good time for your son’s b-day and yet remembering that your dad isn’t there can be so sad. However, you’ve put a positive spin on it because your dad would be so proud to have a grandson like yours. Good for you.

  2. Hi, Patti: today is Handsome’s birthday. Each one since his cancer treatment five years ago is so special. I even made strawberry cake.

    Your birthday card story is so touching. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Christy Hayes

    It was less than two weeks after my dad died that his birthday rolled around. My whole family met and did what we would have done were he still alive–we went and enjoyed a steak dinner and each other’s company. Next year, we’ll probably do the same thing.

  4. I am not a big birthday celebrator. But I do know what you mean about there being a certain day you think about loved ones who passed into the spirit realm.

    I always think about my Gran (maternal grandmother) on Saturdays. During her last months, she had to live in a nursing home. She did not like the food, so on Saturday I would take Gran and her roommate lunch. They were so appreciative. In return, they’d tell me stories of growing up during the Depression, stuff like that. I miss those days.

    Great post, Patti.

  5. Hi Catie! It’s so cool that you have these great memories of your Gran and her roommate. Before James’ dad died last August we used to bring him his favorite foods, especially frozen yoghourts. It made him so happy…and us too.

  6. What a beautiful way to chat with your mom, Patti, and saving the emails allows you to revisit your ‘discussions’.

    Our loved ones never leave us. They’re always in our hearts and memories. Thank goodness for that!

    On my dad’s birthday, our family always got together and celebrated his special day along with the birthdays of the other family members who were born close to his birth date. And we still do that. 🙂

    Thanks for the heartwarming post!

    • I love it that you still celebrate your relatives’ birthdays. That is SO sweet. We didn’t do that and now I’m going to start. I think your idea is just so charming. My family can do something special for my mom and James’ parents. Thank you, Sheila.

  7. Patti, I think it makes perfect sense to send your mom a birthday card every year. That being said, I can’t remember the day my mom died, but I have a vivid memory of the days my dad and then ten years later my brother died. Funny, I can’t always remember the two guy’s birthdays … the day I think of them each are on the days they passed.

    My mom? Nope. Can’t remember. Think it was around 1992 because is near some other big day I can’t remember either. No problem. I always remember her birthday … It’s Memorial Day and who could forget that. My crazy/gemini, bigger than life mom was born on a holiday to make it easier for her daughter to always remember. Love is a connection that has nothing to do with time and space. I love the e-card 🙂

  8. Oh, Florence, your memory sounds like mine. I would NOT remember these dates, except I put the dates on my calendar every single year so that I have to see it, otherwise – poof! – out of the brain the dates would fly, believe me.
    Now I have no living parents and James has no living parents.

  9. Patti,

    What a wonderful idea! Thanks for giving me something new to try.

  10. That is so sweet. I have a grandmother who passed nearly 20 years ago and I still miss her! But rather than send her a birthday card, I simply talk to her. In my mind, out loud–depends on my mood! Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  11. You’re NOt whacked. In fact, it’s beautiful that you write out a message to your mother and send her an e-card. I, too, like the Jacqui Lawson cards, especially if the recipient is (was) an animal lover. Your tradition is a moving and important one.

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