Change And How We Deal With It

My son graduated from high school.  My daughter graduated from middle school.

He started junior college several days ago.  She starts high school this Monday.

Change.  My life is always changing. These changes are good, but my stomach and the rest of my body are reacting otherwise.  I usually go to bed at 10:30.  Now I’m having trouble falling asleep.  I wake up too early and only get about 5 or 6 hours rest.  I have headaches every day and Advil isn’t helping.  This is the first time I’ve come up “idea-less” when I tried to think of something to write for Women Unplugged.  As Kristen Lamb would say, this is “bad ju-ju”.

For thirteen years I drove my son to school and for nine years I drove my daughter as well.  Now he gets a ride from his friend to the junior college and she wants to walk to school.  The “typical” day I had been accustomed to for so many years has been completely turned upside down.  Of course, I still have a reason to get up in the mornings.  I have books to edit, novels to read, wash to do and errands to run, dogs to feed and a horse to ride.  I DO have a life separate from my two kids.

But do I have to get up at 6:30 in the morning to drive them to school, make sure they take their lunches, jackets, and book bags? Not really.  My son has already established his college routine that involves being with his friends 24/7.  And she will have to leave really early to walk to school, loves to be involved in extracurricular activities, and has tons of friends.

Am I feeling lonely already?  I’d say, yes, a bit.  Feeling less needed?  Yeah, a little.  I still want to “be here” for them when they get home.  I swear, it’s in my genes.  I am so accustomed to being the rock that’s always waiting for them, I don’t know how to act any other way.

Does anyone else out there feel like this?

Posted on August 24, 2012, in Blog Posts and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 20 Comments.

  1. We changed schools this year, Patti, and I’m having to drive my kids in and pick them up every day. We get a lot of time together in the car and it is quality time when they are not fighting. I’m enjoying this time together and will miss it when it’s gone, but I will try to think of the ways being their “rock” has helped shape them into independent, social, hardworking citizens. Try to think of this time as the reward for your years of diligence and and enjoy!

  2. There’s always someone who “needs” you – maybe not one of your children – but someone else in some other capacity. When my daughter was in college and my fiance died, I got a new kitten, not exactly like having one of them with me, but a reason to keep going at the time.
    I’m 65 and remarried to a wonderful man, who daily tells me how much he needs me.

  3. When you have kids, it seems change is always happening. Sometimes it’s good change, such as a kid moving from diapers to the toilet. Sometimes its kids moving out and away from home. And the worst part is sometimes it happens so fast you don’t remember the journey of getting there. My son turned 10 yesterday and for the life of me, I don’t know where 10 years went.

    • Yes, Lynne, I have no idea where 18 years went! It just flew by and I look at pictures of my kids and think, did I make sure and enjoy those moments? I’m trying to live each day now and remember to take them in and really have fun with it.

  4. Me. 😦 It all began when #2 went to college. He came back to go here and all cool. Last Feb, he moved out. It’s kinda boring. Me, two crazy dogs, one deaf old cat, and Handsome. So I joined a Mah jongg group.

  5. Our youngest still lives at home, but he’s done school and works full time. We no longer have to worry about him, but someday when he moves out, we’ll have to adjust again.

    • I hear ya’, Sheila. Dylan had talked about moving out to go to college but he was never sure he wanted to GO to college so we advised him to go to junior college and figure it out, especially since college is $30,000+ a year here in California. So, he’s still in the house, which makes me happy, so I should count my “happy faces” and be glad he hasn’t moved out which would make me sad. Bright side, Patti, look on the bright side….

  6. Patti, as our wise woman Pam would say … this too shall change. Each cycle of being a woman, a mom, a wife, a sister or daughter … brings new and exciting (or not) changes. Everything changes and all things remain the same … roll over and its the morning of the first kid married … wake up in the middle of the night and the first grandchild has wiggled into your life.

    All I can say is something silly like: enjoy each change while you can because it will soon fade and bring another 🙂

  7. That is a big one Patti…i’m riding the waves of change along with you…my husband and i separated this summer and everything feels upside down. Luckily for me, i enjoy the view!

  8. I think each of us go through these changes in different ways. We long for the days when we ‘think’ we’re going to have more free time and then for me–I wonder how did I manage with having so many other responsibilities. Enjoy your victory Patti–your children have become self-confident young adults and aren’t afraid to sample what our world has to offer them.

  9. I think every mother goes through a sample of what you’re dealing with at the moment, and once the kids are completely out of the house, the cycle will change yet again. Enjoy the ride, right? 🙂 What else can we do?

  10. My eyes have teared up several times at the thought of having high school and junior high students this year. How did my babies grow up so fast?!! I’m proud of the growth they have experienced–both externally and internally–but it is an adjustment to go through each rite of passage and see our little ones become men and women.

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