Mom vs. Mom

Working mothers remains a hot debate.  Whether you stay home and raise your children, or work outside the home while you partner with your spouse, motherhood and work when spoken in the same breath seems to touch a nerve.  Why?  Is it because the “sisterhood” is breaking down?  Are we turning on one another?  Eating our own?

Perhaps we’ve simply lost touch with our common purpose, motherhood.  No one can be a mother, but a woman.  People can “mother” and “nurture,” but there is no replacement for women.  There is also no replacement for feeding our families, and feeding our souls.  Should we be forced to give up our professional dreams as we raise our children?  Should we be criticized for pursuing our passion if it takes us outside of the home when our children are young?

It’s a question I’ve lived with for many years.  I began my life as a career-minded young woman.  I secured a good position with a medical sales company and worked for ten years before facing the question.  Should I give up my position to stay home and raise my children? 

Fortunately for me, I also discovered my passion for writing.  It was an easy overlap as I progressed through my second childbirth. 🙂 

CondemnMeNot_LG

That’s when I stayed home for good.  I stayed home because I wanted to be with my children.  I wanted to be the one who cared for them, laughed with them, enjoyed each and every moment with them.  But I never lost my desire to work and produce.  In fact, it’s one of the best things about my garden!  Kids don’t hand out awards, financial or otherwise, when Mom does a great job.  They don’t recognize your achievements with promotions or bonuses.  They simply smile, give you a hug and draw you a picture.

And sometimes that’s enough.  For a while.  But when they grow older and begin to live their own lives, you find yourself with time on your hands.  For me, I filled it with writing.  But not everyone has the flexibility that I did.  Not everyone made the choices I made.  Does that make them wrong?

Condemn Me Not is my latest release and explores this very topic.  Veering from my romantic fiction, this one is all about the mothers and daughters.  While I adore romance, women’s issues are near and dear to my heart, as is fleshing them out! 

Would love to hear your opinions…;)

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Posted on December 31, 2012, in Blog Posts and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Sounds like a great read, Dianne! I LOVE your coverF! Did you do it yourself?

  2. As Christy said, the cover is really gorgeous, Diane. And I had the flexibility to stay home when I got pregnant in 1993 with my son. And when my two kids were old enough several years ago and more independent, I started to write and now have “another” career. I received my B.A. and M.A. but decided that raising my kids was a much better job for me, so I quit working. It was my decision and it was the right one. I don’t regret a single moment. Mothering is the best job I’ve ever had. And now writing is a great one too. And so far neither of them has paid me anything, but that’s okay. The payment from mothering is the love of my kids and the payment for writing will come soon enough – hopefully when my agent finds a home for my book!

  3. I love that cover too!! 🙂

    I wasn’t able to stay home w/my daughter, but always wanted to. The closest I came was when she was in preschool, I went through a stretch for about a year where I worked my office day job till noon, would pick her up to hang out for the rest of the afternoon, then when her dad got home from work I was off to deliver pizza till 11pm. 🙂 It wasn’t glamorous but I got to spend some daytime with her and that was worth the chaos. Once we split and I moved back to Texas, I was single for 4 years, so that luxury was over. But I’ve always tried to make up for hours with quality. And luckily she was always such a social butterfly when she was little that she loved daycare. She basically ran the show…lol. I think it would have been harder if she’d struggled with it.

  4. Congratulations on your latest release, Dianne!

    My boys grew up with their mom working and they learned early on to be self-sufficient. Working never stopped me from helping them with homework or reading them a bedtime story or hanging out and talking with them. The only time either of them have said they would’ve liked me to be at home was when the topics turned to housework or cooking. 🙂 One Christmas when we asked what they each wanted from Santa, one boy said “a maid” and the other said “a cook”.

  5. I’ve lived both sides of it. For 8 years I was a stay-at-home mom (one who wrote, meanwhile), which was exactly what I wanted, and now I’m a single mom who works full-time outside of the home (and writes somewhere in the cracks), which is what’s necessary. I do think women can tend to view their home/work circumstances as if they’re worth more, or are accomplishing more than their peers, but you’re right, we shouldn’t let our differences divide us. We’re driven by varying things, satisfied in different ways–which should be respected and celebrated.

    Great post, Dianne. Congrats on your book’s release!

  6. There were a lot of factors in my desicion to NOT have children. One was purely economic – the Rust Belt city I grew up in – there weren’t any jobs that would support a woman and child. The second is that I didn’t get married until I was 40. The third is a series of illnesses, like cancer and mental illness, that run in my family.

    Women need to make the choice that works for them. Throwing stones at each other doesn’t make any sense.

    This looks like a really good book. I wish you well.

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