Two Years Later
Before this week is done, time will mark two years since the day I stood in court and was granted a dissolution of marriage. I could feel my heart in my ears, my neck was red and splotchy. I had never wanted something so badly, and my spirit had never needed anything more.
Two years. Calendar-wise I know that’s nothing. A blip when compared against the fullness of life. But when I think about what I’ve gained in these twenty-four months, I am humbled. And so thankful.
Perspective. Acceptance. Peace. Self-confidence. Clarity. Growth. Responsibility. Beginnings. Independence. Release. Courage. Strength. Freedom.
I have leaned on family and friends. Immersed myself in resources like Since My Divorce and Divorced Moms. Relived the marriage, analyzed why it failed, and why I needed out for my own health, and my daughters’ sakes. I have let go of regret, guilt, judgment.
I have transitioned from stay-at-home mom and wife to single mom who works full-time. I’ve learned what it means to be in charge of everything. How to rely on Janna, listen to that inner voice, trust myself.
I have talked to and casually dated men, each of whom has played a role in this process of mine. Through them I’ve learned more about who I am, about what I deserve, and what I both want and need in a romantic future. And I have found faith in what will be. Nevermind what was.
I have embraced my single status. I do things for myself, relish the quiet, make the most of my “me time.”
What I’m most proud of, what I’m most grateful for, is the strength of my relationship with my two girls. We have been through a lot, but have held on tight. If I’d done all I mentioned above and lost sight of my girls and their needs, I’d have failed. But I haven’t failed. I have graduated from victim and divorcee to healthy woman and mom. I’m happy. I feel like I should celebrate!
And I wonder what awaits me in the two years ahead. I can hardly wait to see.